How to relocate from one coast to the other- and keep your sanity.

I am trying to set up a plan to relocate from San Diego to the East coast. Not knowing where to live (that will go with our lifestyle), figuring out child care in a new city - and considering school district (is 3 stars really that bad - what does that even mean). How do you plan for up rooting your life and changing everything with out losing your head? And would love tips for a cross country road trip with a toddler.